


it's what we want that's a sin

by TVBS



Series: monsters [4]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/M, M/M, Power Play, Weird Shit, compromised minds, reference to suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-03 18:10:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4110250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TVBS/pseuds/TVBS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael's trying to stop.</p><p>He's trying to not be a monster.</p><p>But he can only see one way to end this.</p><p>And it's all Gavin's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's what we want that's a sin

He couldn't do it. He couldn't do what Gavin could do. Black drifted across his vision to the point he was certain he would pass out. No, he'd give in soon and hurt someone. Michael held tightly onto his controller, breathing raggedly as he stared blankly at his screen. It was the middle of a heist, bullets flying everywhere, but he couldn't make it through this video. He looked over at Ray, almost waiting to see if his eyes glazed over and he came over to give him a kiss, hand wrapped around the back of his neck... no, he couldn't think like that. Michael turned his gaze back to GTA, watching distantly as his character was killed due to his inaction.

"Michael." Gavin leaned over, speaking softly. "Are you okay?"

"Do I fucking look like I'm okay?" Shit, his voice even wobbled. "Fuck. I need-"

"Pause the recording." Gavin couldn't sound commanding if his life depended on it, but his voice carried more than words. Everyone paused their game as Gavin coaxed Michael out of his seat. It was creepy, how everyone just stared at their screens, waiting for the next words from the monsters playing with their heads. Gavin winced at the look on Ray's face, his hands tightening on Michael's arms as he noted it. "Damn it."

That made Michael snort. "You knew it'd happen."

"I wish I didn't." That tone of voice was familiar. Michael fell silent as they made their way outside, removing themselves from the temptation. Gavin had sounded like that before- during that phone call. That note of hopelessness, knowledge that things had changed and he couldn't escape the monster he had become. Or had always been. Michael's head pounded, and he could feel Gavin's hand between his shoulder blades before dropping away. "Michael, don't. You remember how this ended."

"Like I can help myself." Michael propped himself up against the wall, hands to his head. "I can't do this, Gavin. I feel like I'm about to pass out or completely lose control."

Gavin didn't respond at first. He didn't give any words of encouragement, no insistence they had to do it. "Come over tonight," he finally said, looking away. "If you're going to be a risk for Lindsay, come over."

Yeah. Good idea. "What about until then? Rest of the guys aren't exactly safe right now either."

Gavin finally met his eyes, and Michael's fingers went lax against the wall as he saw the monster rising up in his gaze. "No, they're not," was all he heard before his eyes closed.

* * *

He couldn't remember the night.

That was probably a bad sign. But Michael knew it passed sleeplessly, as usual. That was the only impression he got of the entire night. Otherwise, it fell into a mindless meld of pain.

Gavin could do this. Gavin was doing just fine, not being a monster. Yeah, he could still make people do his whole bidding thing, but he didn't use them. And he was okay. He didn't seem to be bothered by it as much as Michael. Did he really have that finer of control over it, being more powerful as he was? Michael rested his head on his arms, ignoring his computer. How the hell did Gavin do better than Michael? He got up slowly, rubbing his face. And Lindsay... Michael peeked into the B office, his heart sinking.

Lindsay... really didn't look better after one night. She actually looked... worse, in some ways. Her eyes darted around, almost anxiously. But that wasn't his Lindsay, not at all. She didn't have that kind of anxiety. When she finally caught sight of him, she smiled tiredly. "Hey. Bed was cold without you in it last night."

"Just had to take care of something," he assured her. Without thinking, he came over and leaned down to give her a kiss, nearly ripping himself away as he felt the lightest brush of her fingers against the nape of his neck. Michael laughed nervously, jamming his hands into his pockets. "Got a lot to do today. I might be late home today too, or staying the night, or something."

"Noooooo." Goddamn, she was cute when she made that face. Lindsay grabbed one of his arms, too tired to yank it out of his pocket. "Come hooooome."

Michael grinned, resisting the urge to press his forehead against hers. Fuck, he really did marry the cutest woman in the world. "Tomorrow."

"Tonight, you jackass. I didn't sleep well at all." Lindsay tugged weakly at his arm, leaning up for another kiss that he just had to give her. He couldn't resist her when she was like that. "So you better be home."

No, he couldn't resist her at all. "Yeah." Michael gave her another kiss, lacing his fingers with hers as they came up to tangle in his hair. "Now get back to work, Jones. I'm not the only one with a lot to do." He squeezed her hands as she grinned, looking much better. Maybe that was all she needed, talking to her husband. Then again, he had thought such innocent thoughts before and ended up causing this whole downward spiral of her being so exhausted and him thinking it was what she _wanted_ to do... Uneasily, he stepped away from her as she went back to work, fingers slowly sliding from hers.

He'd be okay tonight. They'd be okay tonight.

* * *

It took half an hour before Lindsay passed out on him on the couch. Michael gently stroked her hair, looking down at her pale face. Gavin had been right - she looked like death. And he had done it to her. His fingers traced the shell of her ear, making her snuggle into his thigh. But now everything would be okay. He had been alright today. No major freakouts like yesterday. He had been fine, and gotten through it alright. So he could get through this. His fingers scraped against the nape of her neck, making her sink further into him, face relaxing into a slight smile.

Good. Michael leaned down, pressing a kiss to her temple. She was doing fine. He could stop worry about her. She'd recover, he'd get a handle on this, and everything would be fine.

Carefully, he shifted so they were both laying down. He knew he wouldn't be sleeping (would he ever sleep again? Shit, that couldn't be healthy), but this was more comfortable. And he could hold her to his chest while she slept. Michael carded fingers through her hair as he let his mind wander. What the hell was he going to do? He couldn't keep doing this to Lindsay. He didn't want to divorce her to keep her safe. Christ, he loved her too much to even imagine being without her. But if this kept up, he might just see what it was like if- his mind wouldn't go that far. Wouldn't even try to envision if he went too far. Michael closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as Lindsay shifted in her sleep.

His head started to clear. Something made him feel so much better, like after finally having a good nap or- Michael's eyes flew open as he realized Lindsay had reached around him, fingers barely touching the back of his neck. He grabbed her hands, pulling them away from him. "Linds. Lindsay! Wake up!"

A soft noise escaped her, but her eyes didn't open. Michael shook her, repeating his plea, repeating it over and over until his voice cracked and broke on the words.

* * *

"Michael."

Gavin's voice made him lift his head from where he sat. No one else had come into the kitchen to bug him, probably because he didn't want to be bothered. At least he could do that, even if he wasn't as powerful as Gavin. Shit, he was powerful enough. He had made his wife do that while telling himself he didn't want it. Michael placed a hand over his mouth, inhaling deeply. "What," he finally asked, voice flat.

Instead of answering, Gavin shifted back and forth on his feet. "Lindsay, you know... it might be better if-"

"No." The word came out viciously. "I'm not going to fucking divorce her. I'm going to make this work. I'm going to get a handle on it like you have and-" Gavin didn't look at him. Michael's eyes narrowed, slowly standing. "How the hell are you able to handle it better than me, anyway?" He didn't answer, not meeting Michael's eyes. "You should fucking be as bad off as I am."

"What makes you think I'm not, boi?" Gavin slowly looked at him, a barely restrained monster peeking out. "What makes you think I'm not listening to you with a splitting headache?"

Everything started to go limp, hazy, narrowing to that monster. It was fine. Gavin was just as bad off. His eyes started to close as he leaned in, wanting to feel Gavin's heat. Just to have something to anchor him. Something good, something-

Shit! Michael's eyes sprang open as he realized what was happening. His hands were hovering over Gavin's neck, not yet touching. He took several steps away, swallowing. That was it. "You're fucking doing it to me. That's what it is. You're fine because you think it's okay to do it to another monster!"

"Michael, no," Gavin protested, but Michael was having none of that. No, no more of it at all. He was tired of Gavin making the whole thing his fault like he said, making Ray kiss him, making everything just- he was _done_ with it. With a growl, he grabbed a knife out of the sink and shoved Gavin against the wall, dirty point against his neck. And... Gavin didn't stop it. He just looked at Michael, arms lax. "I don't think it's okay to do it to you, my boi," he told him softly. I can't- stop it. I want to. But it keeps the others from being hurt, yeah?" He met Michael's eyes, steady. "I bollocked that up before, after all."

The edge of the knife dug deeper into Gavin's throat as a frustrated noise escaped Michael's throat. "What the hell are you saying?"

Gavin just let out a small, bitter laugh as a line of blood trickled down his throat. "It's the only thing I've done that's worked. Killing myself didn't. Unless you're finishing the job?"

Michael stared at him. It... it would all end if Gavin was dead. It was all Gavin's fault, wasn't it? He admitted it all back then. He admitted he was a monster first. So... Michael shifted his arm, ready to shove the knife in.

And had the knife taken from him, his arm twisted behind him as Ryan slammed him face first onto the table. "Gavin, go," he instructed, holding Michael tightly. "Get Geoff."

Gavin didn't move, though. His eyes stayed on the knife now in Ryan's hand, transfixed.

"Gavin!"

"You ruined it," he murmured. "You bloody ruined it, Ryan."

And then he looked up at them, the monster coming full to the fore as he descended on them.

* * *

Ryan woke up in a pool of blood.

That should worry him. He knew that. Everything about it should worry him, as he looked around. Not just how he was lying in an ever-expanding puddle, but at the way it sprayed across the kitchen, the streaks from something being dragged out, the handprint right in front of his face-

But it didn't worry him.

His head hurt too much for it to worry him.

**Author's Note:**

> ... wow. So, I did not expect any sort of response to "it never told us where what monsters we are." The fact that it got the amount of hits that it did, the amount of kudos, the comments, the sheer interest as to where an idea like this could go, leading us here... thank you all so much. It means so much to me.
> 
> Thank you all for staying with me to the end!


End file.
